I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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