I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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