you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
