I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
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