Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
My pussy is not your playground.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
