If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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