We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
