hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
