Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
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