That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
