i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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