Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
