I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
