Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
