Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
