yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
