I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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