if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
