Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
