$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
