Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
