mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
