i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
