Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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