i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
