Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
