There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize