Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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