Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
