I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
i came on her dog
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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