need another drink. this is the easiest way
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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