If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Randomize
