Nicole vs. Life
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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