I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Why are your pants in the freezer?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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