Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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