Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
