Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
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