i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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