I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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