At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
