I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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