I accidentally had phone sex last night
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
