my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
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