Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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