chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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