I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
