i think my tv is drunk
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize