btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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