I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
