If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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