Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
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