I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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