im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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