What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
