and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
