She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
