Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
