she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
