I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Your shirt... Was in my pants
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
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