but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I think people are normalizing furries
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize