dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
