You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
i think i have two assholes
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
