so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
