Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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