Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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